I hate Steve McGarett, and his narrow prescription of what men are and what women are, and how women need to know their places so they don’t confuse the boys.

My boy is 15.

He does like to push things in terms of what he is and isnt allowed to do. I prefer to keep things clear and consistant rather than negotiate, simply because of the energy he is prepared to put into challenging me when I let things slide. Most of these boundaries are to do with his safety and his whereabouts, and honouring commitments and responsibilities. ( like studying in return for the fact I have to pay school fees, or washing dishes in return for the hot meals he gets every night!)

But in general I’d say he is compassionate, empathetic and he takes it for granted that women and girls are human beings and that their points of view and feelings are as valid as any one else’s. I’d heard him calling his peers on sexist and racist behaviour – he can’t stand peers who routinely speak that way and is visibly disgusted by them.

He seems to have learned a lot from being pushed into a caring role. He has a much younger half sister, whose father walked out on us, and for the baby’s first year and a half he was very involved in her day to day care.(he was about 11)

Since then he has worked part time and contributed to the household by providing his own school lunches.

His father and stepfather are both pretty poor male role models. His behaviour appears to come from the fact that he is acutely aware of my contribution because he has had to pick up the slack himself at times – and the reward – a place where he felt loved and valued – that he got for the effort he put in.